Show-in-Action Technique

Mustard stains fill William Henry Harrison High School’s bare walls. Every crushed potato chip, melted ice cream cone, and soggy banana is just more to pick up.

Josh Wildman, 18, knows no boundaries. He is a cafeteria worker’s worst nightmare.

He starts by picking up a baked potato with his messy, oversized hands. One would think butter and sour cream would be enough.

Not Wildman. He looks at every dipping sauce available. He forcefully grabs ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauce, and whatever else he can fit on his lunch tray.

Meal time is next. After the first bite, sauce explodes out of Wildman’s mouth. The sauce firework puts on a spectacle for all of the students surrounding him, landing on the prickly fur on his upper lip and throughout the surrounding area.

At least three cafeteria ladies have been seen crying after Josh Wildman eats a meal.

“Some sauce is just too dang hard to get up,” said Betty Stewart, an EVSC lunch official.

Students seem to think the mess making is amazing, though. “He turns an average baked potato into a modern day work of art,” said Josh Beliles, 17.

Wildman should either be in trouble for his sauce catastrophes or rewarded for his artistic achievements. Some say Wildman doesn’t have the mental capability to argue for either side.

“One time Josh got really frustrated at a coke machine. He said it wouldn’t take his twenty dollar bill. I had to tell him it can’t take twenties,” said Alex Wiggers, 18, “He was so sad.”

It might just be a potato and some sauce, but the sticky mess will be over after graduation.